Conflict Resolution in Family: Keys to Harmonious Coexistence
Family and school coexistence is a fundamental pillar in the socio-emotional education of children, but it is also the scenario where inevitable conflicts will arise. These differences can arise for various reasons: differences of opinion, unmet needs, or communication problems. However, when addressed appropriately, they can become valuable learning opportunities and strengthen relationships.
To resolve conflicts within the home, it is essential to understand that the first step is communication. Actively listening to each family member, without interruptions or judgments, allows everyone to feel valued and understood. As Thomas Gordon points out in his approach to effective communication, conflicts often escalate because we do not distinguish between facts and interpretations. A fact is an objective reality, while interpretation is how each person perceives that reality. For example, a parent may interpret that their child does not want to help at home when they do not do their chores on time, when in reality the child may be distracted or simply did not understand the instruction well. Differentiating these elements helps reduce misunderstandings and find fairer solutions.
In many cases, conflicts arise because we do not know how to identify our emotions and needs. An effective method to address them is to follow four key steps inspired by Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: first, identify what we feel in a conflict situation (for example, “I feel frustrated when…”), then recognize the emotion behind that feeling (“This makes me sad because…”). Next, it is necessary to express the unmet need that has generated the conflict (“I need my space to be respected”), and finally, make a concrete request that allows finding a viable solution for both parties (“I ask that, when you need something of mine, you ask me first”).
These steps can be applied to different types of conflicts within the home. For example, if two siblings argue over a toy, instead of intervening by imposing a solution, parents can guide them with questions like: “How do you feel?”, “What could you do to reach an agreement?”. In this way, children learn to express their emotions and negotiate solutions without resorting to aggression. Another common case is that of teenagers seeking greater independence and conflicting with established rules at home. An appropriate approach could be: “I understand that you want more independence, but our concern is your safety. How could we reach an agreement that works for everyone?”. This type of communication fosters mutual respect and strengthens trust in the family.
Depending on the age of the children, we can work on different skills to strengthen their ability to manage conflicts. For the youngest, it is essential to develop an adequate emotional vocabulary, helping them to name and recognize their feelings. As they grow, they can start working on empathy and perspective-taking, fostering dialogue and respect for others’ feelings. In adolescence, it is crucial to promote self-awareness and responsibility in managing their relationships, teaching them to express their needs assertively and resolve conflicts from a cooperative attitude. Beyond the home, conflict resolution among peers is also a key skill for children and teenagers. At school and in their social circle, they may face disagreements with friends or classmates. In these cases, it is important to teach them to manage their emotions, express their feelings without aggression, and propose solutions in which both parties win.
Modeling these attitudes at home helps children apply them in their relationships outside the family environment. In this regard, Guillermo Cánovas, director of EducaLIKE, has developed practical strategies for teenagers to resolve conflicts among peers, emphasizing empathy and reflection on their own actions. Following his recommendations, young people can address conflicts through a structured process that includes identifying the conflict situation with an objective description of the facts and recognition of emotions, putting themselves in the other’s place through active empathy and personal reflection, evaluating their own behavior with self-criticism and personal responsibility, communicating openly and respectfully, generating joint solutions, and committing to their implementation and follow-up. These strategies promote empathy, responsibility, and effective communication, key elements in resolving conflicts among teenagers.
To help parents in this process, there are various resources that can be very useful. Books like “The 7 Habits of Happy Kids” by Sean Covey or “Positive Discipline” by Jane Nelsen offer practical strategies to foster education based on communication and respect. Additionally, role-playing games with conflict situations can help children practice effective ways to solve problems in a safe environment. Mindfulness techniques are also beneficial, as they allow children to calm down before addressing a conflict and make more thoughtful decisions.
Managing conflicts requires patience and commitment, but the benefits are immense. Coexistence based on respect, empathy, and dialogue not only strengthens bonds but also teaches children fundamental skills for their future lives. Betting on healthy conflict resolution is betting on a harmonious home and stronger, happier relationships.
At EducoMontessori International School, a large part of the team, in addition to their official training, has continued training in Conflict Resolution, School Well-being Coordination, Children’s Rights, Positive Discipline, and Affective Neuroscience and professional practice, ensuring continuous management of conflicts using these strategies.
